Changes

GAH!

WOWZERS. It's been a long time since I've written on the blog. I forgot the password (I knew I shouldn't have written it on my foot). But I remembered it today! But this time I wrote it on my abs, and since I check myself out so often, I'll never forget it. 

 So I was looking in the mirror and was all like "dang boy you one fine piece of meat" and trying to figure out why I've never had a girlfriend with a body like this. And then it came to me, I'm too attractive. Girls are intimidated by me, they think I'm like Edward Cullen or something, and they get to shy to say 'holla'. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I needed to ugly myself up. I know what you're thinking, impossible, right? The thought of me being ugly is like Roxie graduating high school--never going to happen. For advice on how to be unattractive, I went to my mom. Here's how the conversation went:

Deborah Nuglet (Mom): [yelling at someone leaving the front door] I told you, I ain't gonna register to your party! [Shuts door.] Stupid democrats and their stupid democracy. Don't they know that Lincoln was a republican?

Percy: Hey Mom, what do you find unattractive in men?

Mom: Lady parts is kinda a turnoff. 

Percy: Other than that?

Mom: I hate men that do things to their hair. Like dye it or get a perm.

So I walked over next door to my cousin's house to ask Gilbert to give me a perm. 

Gilbert: [on computer] Taste the Staff of Ice Morgorlando! That's what you get for blasting Quando's orb!

Percy: Gilb, I have some important business to talk about.

Gilbert: Is it about Carbon Monoxide Gone Wild? You finally found bandmates for us?

Percy: Not yet.

Gilbert: Percy you're too picky, and we need other bandmates–-fast. Can't we just let Jojo play tamborine?

Percy: And give him a chance to eat my Kid Cuisine meals again? I think not! Besides, he smells like gunpowder and biscuts.

Gilbert: Well what did you come here to talk about with me?

Percy: I need you to give me a perm.

Gilbert: You know I haven't graduated from online beauty school yet!

Percy: But you're the only person I know who will go near my head considering I've had lice four times in the past year. 

Gilbert: And swine. Twice. Can't you just get Roxie to do it? She cornrosed her Golden Retriever last week.

Percy: You know we can't speak to Shrub, Larry, or Roxie. They're the enemy! Wait ... you haven't been talking to her, have you?

Gilbert: N-no. 

Percy: Good, or else I'd have to excommunicate you at our next family reunion.

Gilbert: Please no!

Percy: Then perm my head. 

[Gilbert gets some things from his drawer and starts sticking them in my hair.]

Gilbert: Why am I doing this again?

Percy: Cause, I need to be unattractive so da ladies won't feel uncomfortable around me. 

Gilbert: Are you sure you're not just doing this to look like Joe Jonas.

Percy: Heck no!

Gilbert: Alright, but just to warn you, I've only practiced perms on virtual hamsters before. 

Percy: Whatevsies. Just make sure I'm unappealing. 

Gilbert: I'll try. 

*2 hours later*

[I take the towel of my head. I look like little bo peep since all my white blonde hair is now super curly.]

Percy: Gilb! Did you fall on your head during birth?

Gilbert: What? You don't like it?

Percy: NO, that's the problem! I love it! Dang, I look even hotter than before.

Gilbert: [sniffles] I'm so useless.

Percy: You are. Way to go, you just upgraded me from Zac Efron to Robert Pattinson. How am I supposed to get a girlfriend when I've reached a whole new level of godly?

Gilbert: I'm sorry!

Sigh, if you want something done right, you have to not let Gilbert do it, since he will just screw it up.

Anyways, about CMGW ... not much has changed. We haven't gotten any new songs, lyrics, bandmates or costumes. But me and Gilb are hanging in there (and giving the Enemies [Shrub, Larry and Roxie] the cold shoulder), and we'll find talented people eventually. I emailed Clay Aiken, but he hasn't responded yet.