New Song: Panther

NEW SONG: PANTHER

I know they're looking' 

when I walk by

I can hear the ladies

scream "my oh my"

They yell "he's hot"

and I can't disagree

cause guilty as charged

so baby handcuff me

Being hot is a gift 

but a sickness too

I can't keep da ladies off

they're like glue

cause I'm hot like ...

apple stew!

CHORUS:

Cause I'm super cool

a ten out of ten

I'm like the Angelina Jolie

of men

I strut down the halls

Showing what I got

But touch and you'll get burned 

Cause I'm hot

Baby I'm a panther

roar 

roar

roar

A panther

roar 

roar 

roar

The most dangerous cat of the jungle

I'm danger at its finest

a CAUTION sign around my neck

I'm that guy all the girls want

but can't get

I ain't got no leather jacket

or motorcycle

but I got killer class

and killer style

And not to mention

I'm insanely strong

I'm benchpressing 180

I got it goin' on

It's hard to be so hot

girls faint when I near me

they scream "doctor! doctor!"

good thing I have a medical degree 

CHORUS

Deep in the jungle

the panther lies low

King of the Jungle

ready to put on a show!

CHORUS [x2]

The Band's Reactions:

Shrub: That was off the chain!

Larry: Wicked awesome man!

Gilbert: It's so cool I cried.

Roxie: It makes no sense. You're not hot, and "da ladies" are not all over you. And you definitely do not have a medical degree. And pshhh ... you don't even weigh 180 pounds–more like 80.

Roxie's opinion doesn't count.

The Prom: What Really Happened

Yeah.

Yesterday was the prom.

Which we wanted to crash.

To kidnap the DJ and just happen to see our instruments there and play and save the night.

Didn't happen as we planned.

So we were getting ready at my house, and I was looking really hot, like you could have grilled cheese on me I was so hot. I was wearing my rocker yet classy tuxedo t-shirt, Shrub was wearing his I'm with Stupid shirt, Larry wasn't wearing a shirt, Gilbert had his Star Trek shirt, and Roxie was wearing something which I think was supposed to be a dress but looked like puke. [Most of us] looked pretty awesome. We looked so hot that no one would ever suspect us to be the kidnappers. That's why attractive people are always the most dangerous. Thus, I have not had a girlfriend yet because women think I am dangerous.

Anymuppets, we got Shrub's older brother Theodore (but he goes by Chuy) to drive us in his old minivan. We had all our proper kidnapping material: a rope, a fork, a blindfold, whipped cream, false mustaches, ribbon, a bandaid, and a chocolate bar (in case he's a fatty–then we can lure him in).  Once we arrived at the school, we snuck passed the teachers guarding the enterance (Chuy pretending to be a bully pounding on Gilbert–it was a perfect distraction, until Chuy got really into it and actually beat up Gilb). Once there, we spotted the DJ. Here's how the conversation went:

Percy: There he is!

Roxie: I think I dated that guy.

Percy: That's impossible no guy would ever date you.

Shrub: Gilbert stop bleeding all over my loafers!

Gilbert: Your brother has a pretty hard punch.

Shrub: He teaches an online karate class.

Gilbert: Percy can I borrow the bandaid?

Percy: No, we need that for phase 9 of kidnapping plan.

Gilbert: What's the plan again?

Percy: Didn't you read the handout.

Roxie: I did.

Percy: Roxie you are illiterate. 

Roxie: Since when?

Percy: Since ever. Larry, why do you have your shirt off?

Larry: And cover this up? I don't think so. Drink it in, drink it in. Looking's free but touching–

Roxie: Isn't going to happen. 

Percy: Shrub, you got the rope?

Shrub: Solid.

Percy: Give it to Larry, he knows what to do.

Larry: Knot tying is one of my many powers, that's why I was a Level 4 Cub Scout.

Roxie: What other 'powers' do you have?

Larry: Bad mitton, stand up comedy, and seduction.

Roxie: Ew. 

Percy: Larry, just do your thang. 

Larry takes the rope, stuffs it in his pants, then crawls on the floor to the DJ booth. I follow him and hide behind the booth (as backup). 

Larry: Hey.

DJ: Whoa! Kid! Where'd you come from?

Larry: Mr., I think my pancreas has a rip. Will you sew it up for me?

DJ: I'm not a surgeon.

Larry: With those hands? Come on, I have a needle all ready.

DJ: [looks at hands] Well ...

Larry: Please, I think my brain cells are dying. I'm forgetting my name.

DJ: I'll call an ambulence.

Larry: I can't, the cops are looking for me. I, I ... freed Paris Hilton from jail.

DJ: You did?

Larry: For realzies. She's in the janitors closet right now. 

DJ: No way!

Larry: Way. But hey, I'm going to call my friend who is a surgeon. Do you mind if I borrow your cell phone while I still know what numbers are?

DJ: Sure kid. [hands cell phone] Now, where's Paris?

Larry: She's hiding in the janitors closet two doors down from your left. 

DJ: Thanks. Hey, man the music station while I'm gone?

Larry: Sure, whatever music is.

[DJ runs off to janitor's closet where Roxie and Shrub are waiting for him. Idiot.]

Larry jumps up onto booth and presses some buttons on the lap top.

Larry: The music won't turn off!

Gilbert: I think my arm is broken!

Percy: You and your needs Gilbert. 

Larry: Maybe there's a power cord I can pull.

Percy: There's an electrical box at the other side of the gym–go turn it off there.

Larry: Good idea!

Percy: What can I say, I'm a thinker.

Gilbert: I feel dizzy ... so much blood ...

Percy: Gilb, bleeding is completely controllable. Just ask your brain to tell your body to stop. 

[Larry is running to the electrical box by now. He looks at it a bit, not really sure which button to press. So he hits all of theme.]

The music turned off, but all the lights did too. It was pitch black, like midnight stallion. Everyone started to scream and that kid with the red hair (the one who everyone tries to eat) pulled the fire alarm, and it started raining down on us. I heard Ms. Ulexhuh's voice come over and say; "EVACUATE! WE ARE BEING ATTACKED." We didn't know what to do, so me and Larry (dragging Gilbert who was slightly unconscious by now) went to the parking lot.

Once the teachers went back inside they turned off the alarm, but it was too late because the fire department was already there [they started blasting Larry with the hose because they overheard him saying how hot he was]. Once the ambulence people spotted Gilbert, they asked me if he was dead. I said that if he was he probably just joking. They took him away on a stretcher anyways. 

Then we saw the DJ emerge from the school, wearing nothing but a pair of shredded pants and had whipped cream on his chest. I can only imagine the amount of torture Shrub and Roxie put him through. 

The prom kinda ended right there. Parents picked up their children, Chuy came back in his minivan and dropped us off (except for Gilbert who was still in an ambulence). So, we didn't get to play at the prom. But I did steal a couple packets of splenda from the punch table and since my shirt was white it was see-through when the sprinklers turned on (a little treat for the ladies). But then again, Gilbert did bleed a lot and we never got to play. But after the prom ended there were a bunch of cream sodas left over, so we put them all in Chuy's van (take that Ms. Ulexhuh). Overall, it was a pretty decent night. 

Prom Crashers

So we were in the band suite, chillin like fudgesicles, and talking about our high school musical equivalents [Me: Zac Efron, Shrub: Corbin Bleu, Larry: Lucas Grabeel, Gilbert: the dude who bakes whose name escapes me, Roxie: Ms. Darbus], when the phone rang.

Here's how it went.

Me: Espaco I'll give you your belt in a week; ok? If you call me one more time I am going to egg your house.

Voice: This isn't Espaco. [this voice is female]

Me: Well then may I introduce myself. Nuglet. Percy, Nuglet.

Voice: This is Ms. Ulexuh.

Me: Oh! Teacher! Ew!

Voice: Ew?

Me: I mean ... yum?

Voice: Let's just cut to the chase. You know how your band is playing at the prom in a few days?

Me: Yeah.

Voice: Well there's been some last minute changes.

Me: What kind of changes?

Voice: The school found enough money to hire a DJ.

Me: WHAT? This cannot be fo'sho!

Voice: Fo'sho it is I'm afraid. I'm really sorry Percy, and to all the members of Chicken Pot Pie Unicorn.

Me: It's Mac and Cheese Mermaid. Chicken Pot Pie Unicorn is a stupid name for a band. 

Voice: I'm sorry Percy.

[Suddenly Larry trips over a guitar cord and falls down on the ground on his face. It was hilarious.]

Voice: What was that noise?

Me: Just Larry falling down.

Voice: But I heard a clash.

Me: He keeps spare coins in his eyepatch.

Voice: He could get an infection.

Me: He already went through an infection phase in seventh grade, and now he claims that he was so sick before that he's immune to all diseases. That's why we have him eat the leftover chemicals in Chemistry.

Voice: That's dangerous. I must go now. Bye.

Me: TTYL.

But that was a lie. I would not TTYL. Ms. Ulexuh was no longer a friend of mine. After I broke the news to the band, they were devastated. 

Shrub: We were playing at the prom?

Larry: Ow! I think I got a penny stuck in my eye!

Gilbert: Take off the eyepatch then!

Larry: No it ruins the illusion!

Roxie: We were getting paid?

Me: Only in cream soda.

Roxie: I hate cream soda.

Me: I know. [devious smile]

Gilbert: Well, this is terrible.

Me: Tell me about it.

Shrub: Light bulb! I just had an idea!

Roxie: Spill.

Shrub: Let's crash the prom!

Gilbert: But all students are allowed to attend.

Shrub: I mean we'll crash the music part. Well ... what if we kidnap the DJ?

Roxie: That's a stupid idea.

Me: So stupid it just might work.

Roxie: No, I mean so stupid that it's a federal offense.

Me: Your're a federal offense!

We ended up taking a vote on it. Me and Shrub voted yes, Roxie voted no, Larry was having a reaction to the penny in his eye and began shaking (I took this as a yes), and Gilbert was in the kitchen raiding my pantry for poptarts (I took his vote as a yes too). Majority rules. In a few days, MCM will be rocking the prom!

Justice is Served

Lots of you have been all up in my grill and spoonin' my applesauce and being all "why you hatin' on Roxie?"

Maybe I didn't make this clear enough why I hate her.

People think that I mean to her because she is a girl. Firstily, I have nothing against the ladies and I respect them (I don't even subscribe to Playboy–and that's not because the mailwoman is in my mom's book group and would rat me out). Secondly, I'm pretty sure Roxie is not a girl. Although she wears pink and has a rather feminine face, I don't really think she is 100% female. I have true scientific evidence to defend that: if she was a girl, I would be hitting on her. But I am not. Thus, she is not a girl. I'm not sure if she's a guy either–it's a grey area.

I know, I know, she's in the band. And bandmates have to stick up for each other, pay for each other's lunches, shave each other's backs when they break both arms in a powerscooter incident. But Roxie wouldn't bring a razor near me even if I had broken legs too, and this lack of dedication disappoints me.

Don't believe me that Roxie is the worst? Check out this list that I have so conviently typed up for you:

WHY ROXIE IS THE WORST

1) her afro got stuck in my dream catcher I made a summer camp

2) She used a guitar string as dental floss

3) She smells like oyster crackers

4) She chucked my pinini maker at my minifridge which then melted all my ice cream dots which I won in an online contest for guessing celeberties' weight

5) She works at Libby Lu.

6) It was really hot out one day so I tried to fry an egg on the sidewalk. Roxie stepped in it. Yeah, ew. I had to eat it off her foot.

7) Her vests have so many rhinestones that one time she walked past me and made my arm bleed.

8) She illegally downloaded Japanese ballet horror movies on my ipod and erased all my 50 Cent and T-Pain.

9) She cut off the sleeves of my faux Lacoste polo and told me that man tank tops were "in". They so weren't.

10) Yesterday MCM went to a fair. She ate my corndog. 

11) She told Shrub that Larry said that Gilbert said that I said that he had thunder thighs (which I never said because Shrub's legs are toothpicks).

12) She doesn't think my six pack is legit.

13) She tricked me into wearing my space ranger pajamas into the woods and then took pictures of me. She said she emailed them to Mitchell Musso (how/if she knows him I'm not sure. But if she really did them them to him I bet he looks at them everyday. I would). 

14) Shrub likes her.

How Well Do You Know MCM: Quiz

You think you know MCM like the back of your back? Well take this quiz to find out. I'll post the answers in a comment bellow. NO CHEATING. Tell me what you got. Thanks, bub.

--Percy

1) Who is the drummer?

a) Percy

b) Shrub

c) Larry

d) Gilbert

2) Who does Percy Nuglet hate?

a) Pete Wentz

b) Roxie

c) Mitchell Musso

d) All of the above

3) What was MCM's breakout hit?

a) Plumber

b) Toxic Waste

c) Hands off My Thighs!

d) Big Blue Whale

4) What is Percy Nuglet's rating on a scale form 1 - 10?

a) 10

b) 11

c) googleplex

d) empooninia

5) Who was Roxie's first boyfriend?

a) Shrub

b) Enrico [foreigner]

c) Gerard (dude from our math class, not the dude from MCR–who are comparable to MCM)

d) Josh Pelliman

6) Why is Larry hot? [Larry wrote this question btw]

a) his rock solid abs

b) his movie-star good looks

c) his kick-butt sense of style

d) his eyepatch

e) his peg leg

f) all of the above

7) Why does Roxie SUCK? (question by me, Percy)

a) she's a weirdo and she eats mac and cheese through a straw

b) my dog Flippy was growling at her so she chucked my pinini maker at him but it hit my minifridge and melted all my ice cream dots

c) she prank called me pretending to be a hot girl and telling me to meet her in my suggestive boxers that I got from the black market, when really she just took pictures of me and put them on the internet and emailed them to Mitchell Musso [who I'm sure looks at them every day]

d) her afro got stuck in my dream catcher

e) all of the above

8) Who was Percy's first girlfriend?

a) Whitney Hughs

b) Roxie

c) Jessica Alba

d) He hasn't had one yet because no one is good enough for him and he's just too hot.

9) Which one of these is NOT one of Gilbert's cyberbuddies' screenames in 'Wizards and Warlocks'?

a) PheonixP0000WNER334

b) WOWURMOMSACOW

c) Canadian_Spy_Boi

d) Ming_o_o..83

e) Howie Mandell

10) Which one of the following events has NOT happened to Shrub's chinchilla Frank?

a) he was on the counter and he accidentally jumped into the toaster but then popped out in time to get tan lines

b) he fell in the toilet (they just don't make them small enough these days)

c) he almost fell into the french fry vat at Burger King

d) he bit P!nk (the singer)

e) he peed on Kelly Clarkson

Fall Out Boy and got Notin' on MCM

RIEN!

Pardon my French.

[rien is french for dayyyyummmmmm]

The prom was postPOWNED.

Can you believe that?

Ms. Ulexuh got attacked by a beaver (her own fault; she shouldn't have been hunting during Wind Season) and thought she had rabies. Turns out she didn't, but she spent so much time in the hospital that she didn't have time to prepare for the prom. So it's postpowned until next week.

Also, I'm pretty pissé [french for pissed]

Not only did Rudolph try to flush my French/English pocket dictionary down the toilet but some deaf girl named Cindy who goes to my school came out with a blog. I know she's deaf because she says she doesn't like our music. She thought that Fall Out Boy was better than us. Pshhh Pete Wentz wishes he could be me. But anyways check out what LAMO wrote:

Hey guy's it's Cindy's weekly music review! Today I am going to be comparing my favorite band Fall Out Boy to my ex boyfriend's (Larry) band Mac and Cheese Mermaid. I heard two of their three songs and they are LAME. They have no rythm, their lyrics make no sense, and their lead singer tried to nugget my backpack last week. Their keyboarder is wicked creepy too. Their music is completely off-key and Percy sounds like Miley Cyrus going through a wood chipper. Their music SUCKS. Fall Out Boy on the other hand is very hot and has never nuggeted me or dumped me. And their music is actually GOOD. Pete Wentz is wayyyyy better than Percy Nuglet times a thousand!

Can you believe her stupidity? Just because we don't wear an insane amount of guyliner like FOB does doesn't mean we aren't da bomb. Pete Wentz was probably insanely jealous of me and paid her to write that. I do not sound like Miley Cyrus going through a woodchipper. If Areatha Franklin and Elvis Presley had a child, I'd sound like him.

Tattoos, Aliens, and Rumor Patrol

MY THOUGHTS AT THIS MOMENT:

I'm thinking about getting a tattoo on my back right above the thong line. 

It's gonna say Mac And Cheese Mermaid: We're so Kewl We Make Ice Look Hot. Roxie Sux. I rule.

That might be really painful to get that much ink but oh well it'll be worth it. 

So whenever I bend over not only are people getting a view of my velour boxers but my tattoo also. 

PROM UPDATE:

Thanks for all your fetch suggestion guys, but some anonymus chick named Alexa suggested the alien theme. So we're doing that. We're going to spray paint ourselves silver and put antenas on our heads. It's going to be off the chain. 

RUMOR PATROL:

I do not like Roxie. There some blogs which shall NOT BE NAMED which are saying that I like Roxie. But I don't [Shrub does]. But I actually have standards so I would never date her. And lactose makes me puffy, and since Roxie eats so much spray cheese all the time I wouldn't be able to stand being around her. I would rather date Gilbert than Roxie, which would be incredibly awkward considering we're cousins and I like girls (and I'm pretty sure he does too).

Yesterday Roxie asked me to give her a headlice check. I refused, but Larry used his drumsticks to search her head. He didn't find any lice, but he did find a token for a free mustard at Chuck E. Cheese's. He kept that for himself.

He shoots ... He scores ... Touchdown for Dr. Nuglet

Oh yeah.

Dr. Nuglet has SCORED.

Once again.

Why am I referring to myself now as Dr. Nuglet? Good question. No, I do not have a degree in boneology, brainology, dentology or legology, or even botox. But I am a doctor. A doctor of rock. Booyah.

The "Rock Doc".

How awesome is that?

I just came up with that all on my own. 

The Rock Doc.

Bedazzle that on a leather jacket.

Anywillers, sorry I haven't been writing on the blog for a while. The band's been super busy. Actually that's a lie. I just forgot the password until now. But I wrote it down on my hand, so I'm 100% positivio that it will never happen again. 

Not much has happened recently except for the biggest news ever.

We got a legit gig that's not at a diner, my cousin's 6th birthday, or playing for Gilb's cyber buddies. 

That's right. We're playing at our SCHOOL PROM.

Yeahhhh. Ms. Ulexhuh was totally cool with us rockin' out at the prom [partially because we're SICK, partially because we volunteered to be paid in cream soda]. The prom's next friday. We have to start rehearsing some more and come up some new songs (we only know three). We should also get costumes. Any ideas folks?

Oh yeah. Apparently Mac and Cheese Mermaid has a cult and cult-blog called Mac and Cheese Mermaid Cult.

It was about time we got some fans.

You see, MCM is like fire. You can't lock in a cage because that'd just be stupid. Fire can just go through the cage. Cause it's fire. 

TOASTED. 

A Blast of Rocks

So I was wicked bored today. I'm at home, Googling myself on my computer, but all I found were some Scottish Shishkobob recipes and a Japanese website selling illegal tuna (why the tuna was illegal I'm still not sure). Like wicked bored. I have nothing to do, except for homework. But let's face it that's not going to get done, so why waste time debating whether or not to do it? 

    I'm still wicked bored. There's no Red Bull in our fridge and the cable's been out ever since Rudolph shot the cable box with Denny's hunting rifle (but apparently the Home Shopping Network still works).

    And I'm just like; this is lame. I should be rockin' out insanely right about now. But the band hasn't gotten any gigs in a while, so we haven't practiced that much either. And now I'm looking at clown breakdance on Youtube.

    Then it hit me like a blast of rocks. The prom. Our school prom is coming up in a couple weeks. And since I'm wicked tight with the guidance counsler Mrs. Ulehxuh (I gave her a basket of muffins at the end of the year last year wishing her a festive summer), who is also head of the dance committee, I'm sure I can book us a gig.

    But just in case my foolproof plan fails, I'm gonna need some signatures petitioning to make our band play at the prom. Thanks bro/bra.

Rock out and stay kewl.

---Percy

A Note From Shrub ...

      Hey groupies and weird middle aged child predators. It's me, Shrub–guitarist for MCM.

Percy's letting me give a little shout out to all my homie's out there (I'm sure there are a lot of Shrub fans) while he hunts down his little sister for writing on his blog. But to be honest Rudolph could outrun Percy any day and he won't be able to catch her. So he'll probably just put toothpaste in her Oreos or plastic wrap on her toilet.

     I've decided to answer some FAQ's (Frequently Asked Questions) you rocker-stalkers have been asking about the band. Or questions that I think are interesting, since not a lot of people ask about our band. 

Q: Who is Frank that is mentioned in a bunch of your songs?

A: Frank is my chinchilla and that little guy is sick nasty beast. Right now I'm trying to teach him how to jump through a ring of fire, but he's such a fat lard that just sits there eating his chicken wings.

Q: Do you like Roxie?

A: I think she has a big heart.

Q: So you think she's fat?

A: No! She's just muscled in areas ...

Q: Have you ever kissed her?

A: Accidentally.

Q: Accidentally?

A: I think she was my camp girl friend, LaShawkeeruh. It was an honest mistake. They were both wearing a white shirt.

Q: What's your fave MCM song?

A: Maybe Big Blue Whale, just because I have killer dance moves for it. 

Q: In your opinion, is the band going well?

A: Well we've been rockin' the garage stuff, that's fo' sho. But still it'd be sweet to finally preform somewhere that isn't a diner, you feel me? Like I was thinking we could egg a dentist's office or someplace where they have really high security, and as we get arrested we could sing and then our vocals would be heard on the local news. Then the music producer who just happens to by flipping by will hear us and give us a contract before we go to jail. Then we'll be released from jail early cause we're so attractive and talented and then we become famous. Twenty years later when we're burned out and have signed a contract to write half our songs about Mountain Dew, we'll have one final preformance in the very jail we were stuck in, that is before Gilbert gets shot (we all know that's going to happen some day). Then, once the band has broken up, I'll retire and start my own talk show and do occasional informercials for products like Snuggies and ShamWow! Then, when I'm on my death bed dying of the black plague, I'll whisper to my wives Tiffany and Selena (they'll be twins) that I love them, and tell them where I hid the gold bricks in our mansion. My dying breath will be "we're so hot we make ice look cold", and then I'll die.

IDK, it's just an idea.

Ignore the last post ...

IGNORE THE LAST POST.

My annoying little sister Rudolph (who can't spell) stole my computer and signed on here when I wasn't looking (I knew choosing Roxiesucks as a password was too predictable. Don't worry hackers it's changed now). She's been really angry lately ever since she found out she had headlice and it wasn't actually snowing on her head.

      But just for the record I do not love Miley Cyrus and I do not make out with her or a poster of her. I have made Shrub wear a wig, but that was for something else, not so he could pretend to be Miley Cyrus. Just for the record I've never made out with him either.

     SO .... yeah. IDK how to delete posts, but just know that that last one WAS NOT ME. I'm actually really cool and really attractive and really studly and girls pratically throw themselves at me every time I walk in a room. So yeah. Rudolph lies. 

       And I don't have B.O. I smell like Abercrombie with a dash of Calvin Klein.

      And I hate ponies too. If I had a pony I'd shoot it. 

PERCY = NOOB

hi its me percy and im a total noob and no one likes me cause im a loser and my music sucks toad butt.

i make out with my miley cyrus poster all the time and sometimes i make shrub put on a wig and pretend he's miley so i can practice introdoosing myself wen i meat her.

PONIES 4 EVA!

I have B.O.!!