The Dark Lord Strikes Again

You know those days, when you just feel like your life is over and you have no meaning. That feeling of worthlessness, that my mom claims she has all the time. I know, I know, this is what Roxie must feel like everyday. I almost feel bad for her. Almost. Because yesterday, I felt worthless, unloved. I was totally the leftover sardines, the forgotten mitten, the Kevin Jonas of the group.

So we were having our very first band practice as the new Mac and Cheese Mermaid (better than eva because now Roxie wasn't in it). I was strumming a one-stringed banjo with my toes, Shrub was blowdrying his hair with a toaster over, Gilbert was trying to eat a Rubik's Cube, and Larry was pretending to be a cat. All and all, it was a pretty normal day. Then, all of the sudden, I was hungry. Naturally I checked my pocket for some left over tic tacs or some old toast, but unfortunately all I found was black lint, which wasn't nearly satisfying enough. So I looked in the cupboard for my panini maker that I had stolen from Rudolph in exchange for a handful of raisins that I'd found on the ground. But gasp! the panini maker wasn't there.
Me: Dudes, what gives?
Larry: I didn't steal your mom's robe.
Me: Not that––the panini maker's gone.
Gilbert: Gasp!
Me: I know!
Larry: Who could have taken it?
Me: Not Rudolph, I hypnotized her yesterday into thinking it's the year 1865.
Gilbert: Then who could it be?
Shrub: I think I know--Roxie. She grabbed it the day the band broke up.
Me: How did I miss that?
Gilbert: You were counting your arm hair, remember?
Me: Oh yeah. By the way I'm up to 127.
Gilbert: That's still way less than average, like you're not even halfway there.
Me: Shut up dude!
Shrub: C'mon bros, let's go about this in a calm manner.
Larry: Let's storm into her house with rage!
Shrub: Can't--it's still being fumagated for woodlice.
Gilbert: Can we at least egg it?
Me: Sorry guys, I used all the eggs last week to clog Rudolph's toilet.
Larry: Aw man!
Me: This is terrible, what can we do now?

Unfortunately, we all knew. There was only one solution.

We had to let Roxie back in the band. We couldn't survive without our panini maker, and we were all too lazy and broke to go out and by another. It pained me to do it, but at least I got my panini maker back. But it smelled like bubble bath.