MAC AND CHEESE MERMAID REUNITES

The unthinkable has happened.
No, Roxie hasn't gotten in college--that's just impossible.
Mac and Cheese Mermaid has reunited.

Now I know you're probably celebrating right now, breaking out the ramen and rolling around in it in an excited frenzy. You're so happy that you don't even care why you're happy. This is the best day of your life. Now let me explain how.

It was a chilly December evening, and I was in my room, eating warm tuna. Gilbert was over, making my bed like he does every Wednesday (I pay him in Raisin Bran). The house was quiet. My dad was watching the game, my mom was at K-Mart, and Rudolph had run into a wall so she was semi-conscious.
Then, all of the sudden, the doorbell rang. I thought it was the late-night mailman dropping off my exotic hair product, but I was in for the shock of my life.
At the door, stood Roxie.

Me: What are you doing here?
Roxie: Listen Percy, I need to talk to you.
Me: If that rat I put in your fanny pack gave you rabies I can't be held responsible.
Roxie: It's about Shrub.
Me: I don't wanna hear it. That guy is paste to me.
Roxie: You guys are best friends–
Me: WERE best friends. As in past tense, as in not present tense, as in not future tense.
Roxie: Just here me out.
Me: Sorry, your voice just sounds like burning rubber.
Roxie: That doesn't even make sense.
Me: Neither do you. So we're even.
Roxie: Shrub's miserable.
Me: Well, I think that's your fault. You're his girlfriend or whatevsies.
Roxie: But I'm not.
Me: Say what?
Roxie: We went on a couple dates ... but I'm not into him like that. We're just friends.
Me: He's still worse than all three Jonas Brothers combined.
Roxie: He won't admit it, but he misses the band.
Me: So what? I miss my cheese grater, but you don't see me going to Jojo's cardboard box and asking for it back.
Roxie: Listen–
Me: No you listen. I'm in honors math, ok?
Roxie: What does that have to do with anything?
Me: I just rubbing it in your face. Which, by the way, is still oily.
Roxie: I didn't miss getting my hair braided at the mall kiosk to get insulted. I just hate seeing Shrub miserable, so I think it'd be in all our interests to get the band back together.
Me: Sorry, but the band's time has passed. You can only throw a cinderblock so far before it hits someone in the face.
Roxie: Fine. I'm done here.
Me: And stay out!
I slammed the door in her face.

Although Roxie is a complete moron who doesn't know toast about anything, she got me thinking. If she and Shrub weren't dating, then why were Shrub and I fighting? There didn't seem to be a reason for our feud anymore. And if Shrub and I were cool, so were Larry and I.
So that night, I sent out a mass email to Larry and Shrub saying:

Hey dudez. I (you're) sorry about everything. Now that Shrub's not dating Roxie, I guess the band can get back together. If you want or something. Cuz I have other things to do. And hot dates. But I mean if you guyz really want, I guess MCM could reunite. And my mom just bought fresh guava, so we could throw it at Rudolph. If you want.
xoxo,
Percy

The next day in homeroom ...
Me: Hey guys. Did you get my mass email?
Shrub: Maybe.
Larry: Yeah, maybe.
Me: Well, what do you say?
Shrub: I don't know. How fresh is the guava?
Me: Two days.
Shrub: And is Rudolph's leg still broken?
Me: Yup––so the fastest thing she can do is limp away.
Larry: Well, I DID just get some new rope.
Shrub: And I did just get a new video camera.
Gilb: It'd be awful to let those things go to waste.
Me: So, are we all cool?
Shrub: Yeah, we are.
Me: Illness.
*4 way fist bump*

So yeah. If MCM was history, Shrub would be Napoleon, Gilbert would be George Washington, Larry would be some other lesser known guy who signed the declaration of Independence, and I would be Ceaser. Because Ceaser always wins. Roxie's Brutus. But wait Brutus stabs Ceaser. So nevermind. Roxie's Voldemort. That's a lot more fitting. So the mighty 4 are back together again and more powerful than ever. Minus Roxie. Booyah.

Oh. And here's a little something I learned in honors math:
Ceaser < Voldemort

Because Ceaser is greater than Voldemort.