Me and Gilb were in ceramics, and I spit in his vase. So he threw a chunk of clay at me and called me a bafoon. So I threw one back, but it kinda hit my ceramics teacher in the eye. She started rolling on the ground cause she thought she was on fire or something, but it was just her eye that was blinded. Good thing Larry had an extra eye patch.
So yeah, Gilb and I are in detention, which sucks cause MCM was gonna practice our new song, Percy's Ballad, in our upcoming showdown with CCC.
Detention is run by student council president, Cindy (the teachers are in their annual "Faculty Fiesta" where they put pictures of their least favorite students on a piñata. Or so I've heard). I convinced her to let me have my laptop by wrapping my arms with toilet paper and making it look like it was broken (Cindy has the IQ of Fig Newton).
We need to breakout, and fast. It's 6:00 right now. Detention ends at 8, but at 8 Larry is getting something removed (but he won't tell us what). So if we want to get any band time in, we need to leave fast (and we need band time in order to CRUSH CCC). I am trying to come up with a plan to distract Cindy and sneak out. I have two so far
a) I go up to get a tissue by turn of the lights, making the room pitch black. I then grab one of Cindy's braids and cut it off. I throw said braid out the window. Lights back on, Gilb and I are in our seats, so she never suspects a thing. Cindy starts freaking out, and goes to hunt down whoever chopped off her braid. I tell her the discription of the person who did it. I describe the principle. Cindy tries to beat the principle, then gets expelled. Gilbert and I are free men.
b) distract her with seduction
I chose b, since it was easier (I am very attractive, after all). Here's how Operation: Sexy Edition began:
Percy: Oh my gosh my arms are just so heavy.
Cindy: Those twigs?
Percy: I work out. A lot.
Cindy: You weigh like 60 pounds.
Percy: 87, thank you. And you just can't handle these guns of steel.
Cindy: Trust me, there are no leathal weapons in this room.
Percy: [New tactic: Show off my killer bod] Oh man it's HOT in here [I begin to lift up my shirt]
Cindy: What are you doing?
Percy: Just, embracing the heat.
Cindy: Pull that down Percy and get back in your seat. And how much cologne are you wearing?
Percy: That, my fair lady, is the stench of a man.
Cindy: Sit down Percy.
Percy: [New tactic: Make Cindy jealous, thus she'll want me] Man, I had such a wild time in mom's minivan last night!
Cindy: With your mom?
Percy: No! With Whitney Hughs.
Cindy: Captian of the cheerleading team? I don't think so.
Percy: [New tactic: Make Cindy insecure so she'll think I'm the best she can get] Have you gained weight?
Cindy: What?!
Percy: It's ok, I don't mind if you're a chunker (she's actually pretty skinny, but shhh ... it's all part of the plan!)
Cindy: Did you just say I'm fat?
Percy: Maybe.
Cindy: You are such a donkeyhole! Leave me alone!
Percy: You mean we're free to go?
Cindy: Anything to get you away from me.
Percy: Score.
And that's how you DOMINATE.
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