NEW SONG: Percy's Ballad

I have decided to write a slow song for two reasons

1) To impress da ladiezzzz

2) To PWN Cheese Casserole Centaur (the Stupid Troop)

Hey sorry I haven't updated the blog recently. My house was undergoing some renovations. It all started when I locked Rudolph in the basement because her shirt was really bugging me. So she decided to ram the wall using the washing machine to break out. Since she's kinda an idiot, she mashed it against the wall while it was running, so water poured out every where. Rudolph didn't know what to do so she tried to drink it, then just swam. Finally, my mom came home from work (she is a receptionist at a prison) and saw water leaking from the house. So she called 911. Apparently, 911 had blocked our calls (Rudolph prank calls them a lot), so she called her uncle, who brought his axe to chop through the basement door and save Rudolph. Anyways, it took a while to clean up the flood. As a punishment for locking Rudolph down there in the first place, I had to drink all the water through a straw (man I'm gonna get so fat from drinking all that water and I cannot lose my figure). And I think Rudolph peed in it. 

Since MCM does not have the budget or the energy to produce a legit music video, I have described what the music video would look like in brackets next to the lyrics. So it's like you can have a movie in your head. Snipe. 

PERCY'S BALLAD

[Scene opens with me playing the piano in a meadow with black stallions circling me in a V formation. Shrub is in his courdary pants, playing guitar on the top of the piano. Gilb and Larry are riding mules who are making a zig zag formation across the piano (they are playing drums and triangle). Camera flips to Roxie, who is in a cage.]

You and I,

are like a glacier and the sun, [I get up from the piano's seat as doves fly to me and begin to unbutton my shirt. I have a nice chest and a six pack. My phone number flashes up on the screen.]

You and I,

are like cupcakes and a bb gun [doves bring me a gun and I shoot them all down. Camera switches to scene of Gilbert rain dancing in a nearby river. Exotic mermaids swim around him chanting Dutch lullabies in hushed tones.]

You and I,

are more different than anyone

I've ever met [I am now walking on flames, followed by Shrub who is playing guitar and has wings]

Fire and water [Scene to Larry walking on water while playing drums]

ocean and sea

salt and vinegar [Roxie bites cage. She can't get out. Haha. She plays keyboard though, inside her little cage.]

drugs and honey

We're totally opposites

but that's alright with me [Blonde Swedish triplets in tankinis circle me and throw confetti at my face. Then they start making out with each other. It's really hot.]

We tend to fight,

like Rosie and Trump, [our celebrity guest dancer, David Hasslehoff, comes on screen and starts to do the worm]

but me without you

is like a camel without a hump [I am now in a cornfield, wearing nothing but neon green boxer shorts and tin shoes]

CHORUS:

Cause I need you [Band is all together know, backing me up in the cornfield, rocking. Even Roxie is rocking from her cage.]

Like a bird needs air

Tigger needs Pooh Bear [I play the electric piccalo and begin to lead wild wolves to a forest]

Gilb needs itch-proof underwear

And I want you like 

a bee wants a flower [Larry appears in a jumpsuit made entirely out of pansies and his drums turn to buttercups.]

Larry wants candy that is sour

Roxie wants a shower [Roxie eats a rock]

Cause without you,

I'm a hobo on the streets [flash forward to me outside of a CVS in dirty clothes making faces at the middle school children as the scamper by]

begging for chicken

and grabbing people's feet [I grab an old guy's foot and he falls onto the sidewalk which turns into a chocolate river. I fall in the river and emerge from it in a pleather suit. All the band members are now in red pleather, jammin.]

I remember the first time you called my phone,

I was watching Home Alone, [Roxie, Shrub, Gilbert and Larry chant from the background; The Sequel!]

your voice was smooth like silk [I wake up in a venus fly trap, silk covering my muscles. I am glistening in the moonlight]

so I melted into milk

When you asked me out

I jumped and danced about

I waxed my chest

and in five minutes I was dresses [for this whole verse I am on a unicorn, parading over mountains and valleys. I am wearing a white shirt with puffy sleeves, and spandex. When I sing, it is like angels are pouring out of my mouth.]

There you were standing at my door [Shrub is playing cat's cradle with Larry in a pine tree]

then you fell on the floor,

cause I tripped you with my foot

sorry about that toots [I am now playing the piccalo on the setting sun, canaries dancing on my head, breading my hair and putting those beads on the end of each bread. You know, like they do in the Bahamas.]

CHORUS

Without you

I am a daisy without a stem

a skirt without a hem

an emo without a cut

jeans without a butt [the band and I are playing on a big rock in the middle of a lake. We are all wearing clothes made out of ice. We are rocking so hard the unicorns swimming in the water begin to cry.]

CHORUS x2 [We basically just prance around in a Spring meadow, playing our hearts out (Roxie's cage is now on wheels so she can move). The sun is setting, doves are flying in the air spelling MCM in the sky.]

Ohhh ... baby [close up on my face as I blow a kiss to the camera]

[Fade out.]